美好歲月

i think it's still pretty much in vain trying anything else for the moment.
learning new things,doing new stuffs,knowing new people,
chatting the chat,smiling for the reason i don't understand why i have to smile.
try to be nice i guess.
for i am still counting the days everyday,how many days since i last saw you,
or even just heard from you.
i am not going to say things like i don't believe in love or fate or dream anymore
because i am just hopeless and cureless romantic.
even it is not coming true.

i already have a feeling that you probably are in love with someone now.
but i still like that picture shows how cute we look when we stood together on that big boat with the gator.

想起你的時候，會微笑。
但是也會擔心自己，不知道這顆心還可以再溫柔多久。

如果這個眼前的過路人是你該有多好。

Acrophobia

i wish i could just die in your arms back when we hugged.
then i don't have to survive ,survive without it
and became who i am today.

miwa

i am really over using my voice,but since this is the first week,i really want to make a better impression for the classes so i am giving it all out. i am worried a bit for my throat though,i think i still need to hold back a little from next week,and this new job makes me appreciate my original teaching job even more,so i am working double hard in the afternoon. whenever i am teaching,i think of Miwa in her concert,she can just go on and on and on without any stop,that's what i wanna be.

many exciting events are approaching now:an official Blythe anniversary exhibition is finally coming to taiwan in november! and in october also get to see winnie live on stage after so long,some trips are in the plan,works will also be super busy. wow i am living.i am so tired now,i guess i can have a very good night sleep tonight.

i wish you see that. i am fine.

i wish you know that,you are still you to me.

today i got your message which is saying,JJ is coming.

i will probably see him and hug him and cry a little because i have been waiting.

OK now

when i am ready to write something,i am out of time.
i got the job after the demo teaching and the interview with the school principle today.
i have been teaching in the school for three days now,
i feel everything is going really well,students' response are also wonderful.
i think now i am the most talked teacher in the school,when i walked pass the kids,i could hear them whisper behind me "that's our new english teacher.." "so can he speak chinese or not?"

coming out from my own shell,watching how other people are living their lifes,
it seems to me that everyone beside me knows what they are doing,
to me they are all successful. everything is almost so meaningful.
i wasn't living my life for a long time,i was only living my mind.
drifting with the flow of my mind.
i thought i was going crazy.

and now it is the chance for me to start a new life,and it indeed has begun.
i feel really happy in such a long long while.
and i should know that it's not that i am going to be ok,i am going to be happy.
i'm happy now,i am OK now.

and i wanna be magical. i wanna be enchanted.
i can do this so well.

"我們不要傷心了。"

Tomorrow morning i will go to a new place to work, if everything is going well,i might get the job on Wednesday.Then i am going to tell myself that the bad days are offcially over,if i don't i will still feel okay because i know things are starting to get well and more chances and changes will still keep coming.

wish me luck!

i am not that boy.

" 他的話像是唱片跳針一樣斷斷續續，說不清楚，其實內心就只是不停地在哭泣，不停不停地在哭泣。"

lonely

there is a criket beeping outside my window.

a summer night.

lately i really have a very creative mind.

thanks to my very best friend.

i suddenly realize i always have the best stories around me,inside me.

i hope i can keep this in mind and keep going.

an almost nightmare like year,it is coming to an end finally.

( and i have no one else to blame but myself )

soon i can put myself together

soon i can wish you well

and hope

someone else has healed you and you can love again.

and someone will call you babe.

and love you as much as i can ,more than i can.

i really really wish that.

about the things that i can't overcome or comfort,

i am trying to learn and understand.

forgive me for doing the things i did.

on a night like this,i am not feeling lonley when my kitty is around.

oiyoor

i have to get up in less than 6 hours,
still i think i should write some words to show my improvement now.
( from keeping hiding myself and those kind of things.)
then let's say something nice about you.
since this is still a day when i thought i was better and over it
then right at that moment
i thought of you again.

thank you for being such a kind person.
thank you for giving me the special gift.
thank you for almost making my dream come true.
almost is very good,even if almost doesn't count.
almost friends are not friends.
almost lovers are not lovers.
almost there,we are still not there.
oiyooor.

but still,thank you very much
i am going to keep my words and love you forever.

sailing

i was thinking maybe i could finish my novels ( those are some reread-books anyway.) tonight,but then i end of spending whole 3 hours watching the videos from "A New Brain" ( the musical i have always loved ) on youtube. i have always loved the song "I rather go sailing",if i could be on one musical,it will be this one and i want to play Gordon's boyfriend Roger so i can sing this song. How nice for Roger to love Gordon this way,and you know how it feels you could just die in one's arms. ( noooo,Gordon lives ) And right now i am repeating Hikki's "Prisoner Of Love" so i can hear the line "STAY WITH ME...STAY WITH ME...". A random thought : i always think if i want to write a diary or a note or something,i have to have a picture to go with it,it is better done by me,less better with a picture i took ( i don't have a camera anymore ),and it is the worst if i post something from the Internet. that is the reason i write so seldom. but i just found out that why not just draw a picture in 5 mins,it is not that hard,though i always tell myself it is very hard .
i wish you can understand this,that's why i am writing in english. i still can't go to bed at a time like this. i don't know how to.

run

你把煩惱試著開成一個玩笑

祈禱它就這樣變成一朵花

然後有一天可以張大嘴巴把它吃下去

反正說出來的話也反悔不得。

給點勇氣去奔跑吧，

如果跨越不過就要被壓扁了

生命本來就沒有起點也沒有終點的那樣一刻

無時無刻都要咬著牙邁開腳步唱著歌

不是說要復原就復原

也不是要出發就出發的

只是在某個當下領悟到自己已經不是自己想成為的自己

自己是自己想改變的自己

仔細想想，

我們都是活下來的那一個

話說，不管你怎樣的灑脫和留給我這一切

我都是比你會面對這個世界。

親愛的，當你這樣說的時候

我知道你一定很想他。

HBJB

x

i wish i can hide in a place where nobody can find me,
because i am not living my life here,
right now right here.
i can't start all over.

[ the first days of spring ]

The First Days of Spring - A Film By Noah And The Whale from charlie fink on Vimeo.

this is your birthday

這是你的生日。

希望你健康。

希望你的家人和好朋友健康。

希望你的貓咪健康。

希望你買給貓咪的玩具都可以撐久一點。

希望你可以試著早點睡，

臉上痘痘快點不見。

希望你繼續保持房間的整潔。

希望你不要一直亂花錢，

雖然說你都是買自己喜歡的東西，

希望你可以標到那個WDCC的花木蘭。

好吧，總之希望你存點錢。

希望你試著多學習有些責任感。

希望你有耐心些。

希望你多多真心的去關心你身邊的世界，

而不是總漠不關心。

希望你能表達出你真正的想法，

希望你開始能有些話要說。

希望你一直畫圖。

希望你心裡的故事可以茁壯。

希望你繼續創造更多美好的回憶。

希望你成熟。

希望你多看點書。

希望你多聽進去一點你BFF的意見。

希望你騎機車的時候小心一點。

希望你少聽一點悲傷的歌。

希望你能開始明白愛不是那麼簡單的東西。

希望你瞭解這生活不是一個童話故事。

希望你能學會怎麼去放手。

希望你總是記得平凡的快樂。

希望你不要遺忘初衷。

希望你帶著一顆受過傷的心，還是可以重新開始。

希望你不要去擔憂做過的決定，心碎一點點沒有關係。

希望你不要後悔自己曾經的努力和付出。

希望你知道你愛過也被愛過。

希望你不需要誰來給你肯定誰來給你答案。

希望是你把你自己拯救。

希望你不要再難過。

希望你有一天可以被明白，被記得，也被想念。

希望你繼續相信。

希望你一直保持你純純的容顏。

希望你臉上永遠有那天一樣的笑容。

you make my dream come true

新床單，新書架，新的空氣清淨機濾紙，我想最後還是要說一些感謝的話。

好像又能重新開始感覺到很平凡的感覺，因為一切終於結束了。

可是如果不是因為那樣，我也不會擁有很美好的回憶。

我不會再抱怨了，改變不了的事情，結果都是出自於自己的選擇。

我的確是那樣啊，但是每一個人都只是在承受自己所能承受的而已。

哈哈哈然後我瞭解了你的哲學，要跟著生活的節奏走，go with the flow.

然後我明白了，享受生命帶給你的一切驚喜和考驗，時間會證明和解釋一切。

最終，生命沒有把我們湊在一起，什麼都沒有。

YEAH I GOT IT. LIFE DOESN'T LEAD ME TO YOU OR LEAD YOU TO ME.

原來還是可以放下來的，誰想得到？

and by the way happy birthday to me

長恨歌 [ Song Of Endless Sorrow ] Part 5

於是軍隊再度地出發了，一路上黃沙滾滾來到了南方。
貴妃被處死的消息傳來，讓皇帝悲痛欲絕。
念念不忘心愛的貴妃和曾經快樂的時光，
儘管南方山巒的景色再美，月色再皎潔
也似乎都像籠罩在一片哀傷之中。

不久後，戰事漸漸被平息了。
皇帝一行人和軍隊返回京城。
就在那個貴妃被脫離處死的山坡上，
如今卻空無一物。

再也見不到歌舞昇平那時美麗的身影，
只有夕陽的餘暉紅的像是灑在山坡上的血。

Once again the army set off,
along with the yellow sand rolling in the wind they arrived the south.
the emperor heard about that his dearest princess has been executed,
couldn't seem to forget the happy time together,
no matter how beautiful the scenery were
in his eyes he only saw gray color and sorrow.

Shortly after,the war was put down gradually.
they went back to the palace
on the way back
they passed the hillside
where the princess and the emperor were forced to be parted
but could see nothing there.

There was her beautiful shadow and smile no more
only the ray of sunset.
the color was so red that
it looked like her blood was sprinked on the lonely hillside.
(to be continue.)


寬螢幕桌布 widescreen wallpaper 1600*900

just words

been there and done that
but i miss you most.

( in WONDERLAND )

今天郵差叔叔準時的送來了從日本的包裹，在客廳一邊看著夏卡爾大部頭書耐心等待著的我興奮地接過年度最佳購物（哈哈）..... Tove Jansson所畫插圖的愛麗絲夢遊仙境！ 我一開始以為Janson除了moomina 姆米書系外就是成人小說，完全沒想到居然她也畫過許多本書的插圖！一直到最近的一本Tove Jansson Rediscovered 裡頭有一篇分析這本1966年出版的Alice，我才知道原來還有這麼驚人的作品！ 我馬上上網找到了書裡面全部的插畫，請務必到以下網站一遊，裡面還有Jansson幫哈比人歷險記的珍貴插畫歐！

http://www.zepe.de/tjillu/alice/index.html

這樣一本夢幻的書，已經絕版四十多年，在amazon上有人開價兩百美金一本！不過我更努力的搜尋，bingo！也只有超愛Tove Jansson的日本能挖出這樣的寶藏再重新出版。書衣上的標題是，我要保護的愛麗絲。四十年來首次公開，朵貝楊笙 夢幻的愛麗絲。值得一提的是，這並不是一本繪本歐，而是Lewis Carroll的原著翻譯，再搭上整本的插圖，能夠收集到真的是一個美夢成真啊：D

i am soooo excited today because i got my copy of Alice in wonderland which is the one that illustrated by Tove Jansson!
this book was long gone since it's first released in 1966,i just learned about it though the book "Tove Jansson Rediscovered" . And i was very surprised that Japan rereleased it in 2006! so needless to say i ordered it right away and it came in the mail this morning ! such a dream book to me and it is like a dream come true :) i am very very happy now :)

雖然我看不懂日文，不過最近也剛好讀完英文版的原著，（剛好tim burton電影也快上映了，三月真是一個alice之月。）我真的很推薦Barnes&Noble 的這個版本，完整的兩版原著和插圖之外，還有很多額外的作者生平，評論，延伸閱讀，整本書的精裝的質感非常好，更重要的是價格卻非常便宜。讀了原著才發現迪士尼是怎麼改編的，原著的英文也相當輕易近人和有意思。仔細想想大家都知道愛麗絲夢遊仙境，但是現在這個年代有誰真正好好把原著讀過一次呢？

Tove Jansson's version is in japanese which i don't understand. but i happened to be reading the original book lately! i really recommend this Barnes&Noble edition,i am sure this is the best version of the original books now .especially with a very very good price. i have finished this book the other day and i was very surprised the language is really easy and witty! think about it,nowadays everybody knows about Alice In Wonderland especially because of Tim Burton's film is going to be released soon,but have you really read Alice In Wonderland for once?

長恨歌 [ Song Of Endless Sorrow ] Part 4

北方忽然傳來戰亂的消息，
原來是有人趁著宮廷歌舞狂歡的時候，
悄悄地展開叛變。
戰禍漸漸波及京城皇宮，讓許多無辜的人犧牲了。
措手不及的皇帝和貴妃便在成千上萬的護衛之下
前往南方避難。

開始有人說：
「那位美麗的貴妃一定是一個妖精，
轉世而來迷惑皇帝，造成國家衰敗的。
這一切的罪過都要怪給她。」

離開皇宮一段路之後，
軍隊和人民都停下來不願繼續前進了，
他們只要求要懲處禍首。
皇帝無可奈何，只好眼睜睜看著心愛的妃子在眼前被拉走。
流下了心痛的眼淚。
Suddenly came the news of war from the north,
Some people took advantage of the carnival time in the palace
and quietly launched their mutiny.
The war gradually spread to the palace and many innocent people died.
Being caught off guard,
the emperor and the princess were protected by the army,
they went south to take refuge.

Some started to spread the words:
“That princess must be a witch!
Born on this world to bewitch our son of dragon
and cause the fallen of our nation.
We must blame her for everything.”

Away from the palace,
The whole army stopped and was not willing to keep moving forward anymore.
They asked to punish the princess that they thought was an evil spirit.
The emperor was helpless but there was nothing he could do.
So he watched her beloved princess dragged away in front of him,
He shed the tear of heartache.

( to be continue.)

寬螢幕桌布 widescreen wallpaper ( 1600* 900)

( a summer deja vu )

“It’s funny about love,” Sophia said. “The more you love someone, the less he likes you back.”
"愛有時候很奇怪，"蘇菲亞說。"你有時候越愛一個人，他反而離得你更遠。"
“That’s very true,” Grandmother observed. “And so what do you do?”
"這倒是真的，" 奶奶說。"那妳怎麼辦吶？"
“You go on loving,” said Sophia threateningly. “You love harder and harder.”
"只好繼續愛下去，" 蘇菲亞不甘示弱地說著。" 妳要更用力地越愛越多。"

Her grandmother signed and said nothing.

奶奶只是嘆了口氣，沒有再說下去。

from "The Summer Book" by Tove Jansson

雖然現在天氣很冷，不過試著想像一下：這是一個寧靜的夏天午後，有風，但是空氣中還是有一點點些微的悶熱，不過那微小的程度幾乎到你察覺不出來。你感覺你來過這個地方，但是又不能確定。不過唯一能夠肯定的是，你現在很明白你存在在這個世界上，這個世界上有著什麼東西是你在忽的，你是被愛著的，因而你能感到安心。

這就是我看完the summerbook這本書之後的感覺，或可以說是唯一的感想了。我沒有完全的明白它，這是一個夏天裡頭，老奶奶和六歲的蘇菲亞（還有在一直在畫外的爸爸）在一個島上的生活，但是其實什麼故事情節也沒發生，不過其實所有的事情都正在發生。晨泳，為愛而死的水鳥，建造一個迷你的威尼斯，寫一本關於蚯蚓的書，養一隻沒有教養的貓咪卻深愛著牠，一個不說話的朋友，謎樣的一件浴袍，睡在帳篷裡的回憶...種種。奇怪的是看這本書的時候，我一直想著，我是否在很久以前有讀過這本書呢？為甚麼這一切都給我一種很熟悉的感覺，而且也許這本書是我讀過最美麗的一本書也不一定。我想我會很快地要再重讀這本書吧。

現在是時候要重讀全部的姆米書系啦。

finished reading The Summer Book. the wired thing is i keep having the thought of "have i read this sometime somewhere already? how come i feel i have seen the sence before?" it's almost like having a deja vu.

i think i will reread this book very soon but now it's time for me to reread all my eight moomin books now :)

( NEW DREAMS )

--- Moomins :
the complete Tove Jansson Moomin Comic Strip

上禮拜收到了我的四本姆米漫畫書，超大尺寸裡頭全都是原版的tove jansson的姆米插畫，像是身處在夢境一般，捨不得一口氣，花了四五天才慢慢把它們讀完，把這套書捧在手上的感想，只有幸福兩個字啊！細細地觀察插畫裡的世界。（六月的時候會出版最後一本歐。）

謝謝妳Tove Jansson，從十歲的我開始就陪伴在我的生命中。在這個春夏秋冬的開著奇妙花朵的山谷，也許對別人是充滿奇想一般的世界，對我來說卻是熟悉不過，姆米托魯，司那夫金，史尼夫全都是我最想念的好朋友，我們終於又在一起了。

當我看到司諾克小姐選美的段落，大笑的不能停，好像心底的憂傷也就到此為止，慢慢的我也開始有了新夢想。

要努力畫圖，寫作，希望我以後創造出來的也能像這樣的完美，那就是我心裡面的終究存在的完美。

要繼續收集Tove Jansson的作品。

然後還要開始存錢，來去芬蘭吧。去看看moomin world裡頭的姆米房子，看看真正啟發Tove Jansson的景色吧。我一定要去。

新年快樂，不知道在那裡讀到新年是一種儀式，不一定是跨越反而更是歸零。有時候我們是不是一直只想著往前衝，受傷跌倒也沒關係，一直到自己迷失到連方向都不知道在哪裡？那就回到原點吧。去把你當初最喜歡，一直最喜歡的找出來。今天可以是你從新開始的一天了，你還要學習很多人生的課題，你沒完成的還有好多。用一種新的眼光看自己，用一種新的勇氣去喜歡自己。因為那是你的人生，那是你的世界不是別人的。

got my four new moomin books last Sunday,i was sooooo surprised by their over sized! overload with Tove Jansson's original illustrations,it's a dream come true for me to own these books,i feel like living in a dream while reading them during the week! there's nothing better than these,they are the best treasures ever!

thank you Tove Jansson,for being a part in my life since i was the age of ten.when i read about Snorkmaiden joins a beauty competition i laughed so hard and couldn't stop,i can't even remember when is the last time i had a laugh like that. finally my sorrow had came to an end and i feel i can deal with the rest from now on since i have all my old friends from moomin valley back.

and i have new dreams now. i want to create something so wonderful and perfect too. who said ( me?) perfection doesn't exist? Tove's work of art is perfect. i want to draw and write more,to have something i can be proud of too.

and i want to collect more of Tove's books and more ,i want to start to save money to have a trip to Finland,to see the moomin world,and the place that inspired my favorite artist. i have to go,i want to make my dreams come true.

happy chinese new year. maybe for once we don't have to move forward. how about going to the basic place and rediscover some of your strength,since we must lost it somewhere while we were bravely pursuing the so called dreams and love ? finally today is the day for you to start all over.there's still so much to learn ,so much task for you to finish. try to look at yourself in a new way,to love yourself. for it is your own world and no one else's.

( plastic bags )

因為我本來就是一個愛物的人，所以這些年來收集了很多東西。Jeffrey Fulvimari的插畫商品，喜歡的電影的雙碟版dvd，彼得兔的立體書。 又想是因為個性使然，很喜歡東西嶄新的模樣，於是越是心愛的物品越是保護，除了第一次細細觀看的時候，要小心自己的指紋不要留在碟片或書皮上，連呼氣都不敢太大力。最後還要用一個特別去買的塑膠袋套起來封起來。好像是一個神聖儀式一般只有在這個時候才會覺得自己已經擁有這樣物品了，簡直是一個癖。

也因為如此，有好多的書，電影，玩具都在都還保持著如同當天購買一般嶄新的狀況。有時候想到了，拿出來隔著沾著灰塵的塑膠套，其實想要瞧一瞧，但是往往會因為想到要"重新封套"的麻煩，就會想，算了，等等好了。等有一天什麼都準備好了，心情對了房間乾淨的天氣好的閒暇時間有了，我再來好好的享受它們的美妙。

那一天從來都沒有來過。

結果被自己保護的最週到的，反而是最生疏的，還不如擱在架上沒事就會拿出來翻的一本爛雜誌，花在它的時間上一遍又遍。反觀自己最心愛的，其實心中是想要每天都在一起的一次又一次熟悉它的美好，卻因為心想好好保存而被刻意保持距離。有的時候會想到我擁有它，想著它是乾乾淨淨的而我在等待著那一天來到而自我感覺良好。而有的比較不幸的是我還沒好好喜歡它之前，就對它失去興趣了被我忘記了，只好開心因為它的嶄新狀態拿去拍賣還能喊到好價格。

因為最近買很多書，想把這些書重新整理，於是想把以前收集的插畫書等等也一起拿出來可以常常拿出來欣賞研究一番，也不是說我忽然覺得要掙脫什麼或想讓自己不拘小節不要在意書本會泛黃會變舊CD殼會刮到等等，都不是。我就是忽然覺得這些塑膠套好惱人。我連看個想看的書都還要從塑膠套裡拿出來，排在書架上那模樣也醜死了。我就一股腦，把那些塑膠套給全拆了。真覺得這種保持完美的塑膠套真是讓我神經衰弱緊張崩潰，我也該過了有這些堅持的年紀了。不要去找不存在的完美或是深怕自己弄髒弄壞了什麼自己心愛的東西，畢竟我已經擁有它了不是嗎？是要為了那一位下一個擁有者耳提面命自己要好好負起保管的責任呢？它們都是我的，而且因為是我心愛的，我永遠都不想要給別人的啊。

親愛的讀者，你也有塑膠套嗎？把它們撕掉吧。

I am not ashamed to say that actually i am a nerd, all these years i have been collecting the things i like,such as beautiful picture books,two disc special edition DVDs,collectible toys..etc. because i cared about and loved them very much,so i was always very careful with them.usually after every first watch or read,i had to be careful not to leave my fingerprints on the disc or the book cover.and i used a new and shinny plastic bag that i bought to wrap them so i could keep the mint condition. then,i felt i actually "own" this stuff.

As a matter of fact i love them so much that i want to read it everyday and watch it all the time or be with it every moment,but because it is so precious to me i think,ok, well ,i will just save it for a better day when i have a better mood and perfect timing and nice weather then i can truly enjoy it again. so sometimes i enjoy "looking at my stuff though the dusted plastic bag " and imagine the near mint item inside. but to avoid the troubles of getting it out and putting it back in the bag again,i just let them stay there ( i am still waiting for the perfect day to enjoy it anyway.) and feel good about owning them.

But that kind of day never came.

The thing i love and protect so well became the thing i keep distance with. i think i read the lousy magazine that has always been on my shelf a lot more,i actaully rather waste my time on those things i don't really care for than spenting time on the things i want to enjoy over and over again. and i was stopped by what,my own mysophobia or perfectionism or these stupid plastic bags!!? and sometimes it was so sad,i even lost my interests in them while they were also still waiting for the perfect day to be taken out ,the only good thing to think of this is when i auctioned them off they usually sold for a good price because they were still like brand new.

Today when i was organizing my bookshelf , it's not because i finally realize the true meaning to enjoy life or understand how to let go or whatever...i simply just thought these plastic bags were annoying me to no end,so i tear them all and let all my precious collectible books ( some for almost ten years) exposed to the humid air and i put them back to the shelf bare and plan to browse them as much as i can from now on,because i always wanted to do that! i am not going to looking for perfection that doesn't excist anymore. i own them don't i ? i am not keeping it clean and perfect for their next owner,they are mine and will always be mine,because i LOVE my stuff!

Dear reader,do you have those kind of plastic bags like me? get rid of them right now!

my brother is back from the trip to japan today and got me these cool stuffs! ( i collect disney's beauty and the beast stuff ),and NO plastic bags for these,they all go into my big plastic boxes for safty storage. lol

( paper bird )

原本只是一張白紙，

任你去幻想。

做了很多努力讓這一切不是虛幻。

真正地摺出痕跡形狀過，握在手中。

感受過溫度，聽見聲音，

記憶從此有了翅膀，會跳舞，可以翱翔。

才明白 其實不能擁有它

於是想，真正讓它飛翔後，心情一定 一定會很輕鬆吧。

那卻已經是一件出乎意料之外

心中很珍惜的寶貝。

只是當學習要放手時，

最初不在意被紙割傷的小小血痕，

痛也變成真的了

多不想啊，

好希望輕輕地擁抱多一會兒，

想要在它尾巴綁一條細細的線跟著飛。
可是就是因為它已經是真的不再屬於美夢裡的一部分，

也就不能繼續矇騙自己了。

讓它自由吧，

是時候啦 啦啦啦

因為即使重量再輕有如羽毛

拉著它跟著飛也終究會有墜地的時候

那不如期待此刻有風吹過，

祝福它飛得更高 更遠些。

也許遇到雨天會被模糊成一片掉落在路邊

但也許是在某個爽朗的秋會有人撿到它，

說從那裡來的？

那是一隻好漂亮的白色的純潔的鳥。

＊

It was a piece of blank white paper

for you to dream

or do whatever you want

You tried so hard to make it real

folded the shape and put it in your own hands

now you can feel the temperature and hear the sounds

Suddenly all the memories take wings

they dance

they want to fly

Then you realized you can't own it after all

so you said to yourself

"After i set it freei will be really free too."

but unexpectly it has already became

something that you treasure very much.

So when you learn to let go

the pain from the tiny papercut

becomes real

How i wish

to hold it tightly but gently once more

to tie a line on it's tail and trace it

but since it is so real now

it doesn't belong to part of your fantasy anymore

so you can't fool yourself anyhow either.

It's time to set it free la la la

Even it is light as a feather

you will fall after all if you linger

how about making a wish and hoping

there is a wind somewhere

and hope it can fly so much higher and further without you

Maybe it will be ruined by a rainy day and fall on the ground,

or maybe on a fine autumn day

someone catches it and he might say

"Where does this thing come from?

it is such a delicate and innocent paper bird."

the original drawing

Wallpaper bird ( 1024*768)

長恨歌 [ Song Of Endless Sorrow ] Part 3

皇帝在他的宮殿中，

擁有的妃子有三千個人那麼多，

他再也不看她們一眼，

因為他的龍心中從此只有貴妃一個了。

皇帝不但打造了一座黃金的臥房給貴妃，

連她的家人也都接來皇宮給予很好的照顧。
那時候，天下做父母的，

都好希望自己生出一個像貴妃這樣的女兒，

可以一起過著榮華富貴的生活啊！

宮殿中，日日夜夜都歌舞昇平。

皇帝與貴妃縱情與享樂和遊玩之中，

時光真是太快樂了。
而貴妃也回報皇帝的寵愛，

癡癡地愛慕著他。

In his palace,

the emperor owned more than three thousand concubines

but he didn't lay his eyes on them anymore

because in his heart there's only one princess now.

Not only building his beloved princess a golden bedroom

he also brought all her family into the palace

and took very good care of them.
At that time,

the parents in the country

all hoped that they could give birth to a girl as beautiful as Princess Yang,

so they could live a luxurious royal life,too!

Every day and night there were singing and dancing,

the emperor and the princess enjoyed their life as a big party,

what a joyful time it was!

For the emperor loving her so much,

the princess also loved him very much in return.

(to be continue)

寬螢幕版桌布 wallpaper (wide screen 1600*900)

長恨歌 [ Song Of Endless Sorrow ] Part 2

寒冷的春天裡，

貴妃在溫泉裡潔淨著她雪白的肌膚，

仕女們服侍著她深怕她著涼。

她最喜歡一種南方的珍果，

皇帝知道了，

便讓快馬從遙遠的地方將果子送來，

呈到貴妃手上的時候，

果子新鮮地還沾著清晨未乾的露水哩。

從此大家都知道了，

皇帝是多麼地對這位美麗的新妃子寵愛有加啊！

皇帝視這位貴妃為他最珍貴的寶物，

一刻也不願意離開她，

漸漸地，連國家的事務都不再關心了。

In the coldness of the spring time,

the princess washed her snow white skin in the hot spring,

all the maids were around her just to serve her alone.

The princess had a favorite for one kind of precious fruit called La chi,

the emperor knew about this,

he sent the fastest horse toward the south to collect the fruits,

when they reached to the princess' hands,

some said they can even still see the dew is still on the ruby like fruits!

and everybody knew that how much the emperor spoiled

the new beauty in the palace.

Indeed,

the emperor thought the princess

as his most precious belonging,

he was bewitched by her

and didn't want to leave her side for a moment.

little by little,

the emperor even stop to care about his own empire's business.

(to be continue)

寬螢幕版桌布wallpaper (widescreen 1600*900)

長恨歌 [ Song Of Endless Sorrow ] Part 1

從前有個皇帝，他一心只想找到最美麗的女孩來當他的妃子。

經過多年的尋找，他卻始終沒能如願找到她。

直到有一天，皇帝終於發現這樣的女孩。
她是來自楊家的女兒。 皇帝深深為她著迷，
於是便把這位美人接入宮中，封她為貴妃。

貴妃的容貌有如一朵潔白的牡丹花，
姿態則像是隨風搖曳著的花瓣。
從此所有的美女在她面前，都只像是野花野草了。

Once upon a time,

there was a emperor who was looking for

the most beautiful girl.
After years of searching, he still couldn't find her.
Until one day, he saw the daughter from the Yang family.

The emperor fell for her deeply right away
So he welcomed her to his palace and made her a princess.

The Princess was so beautiful just like a white peony,
when she moved, she was the petals swinging in the wind,
all the beauties compared to her were no longer beautiful.





(to be continue )
寬螢幕版桌布 wallpaper (widescreen 1600*900)

[ intro for the SONG OF ENDLESS SORROW ] 長恨歌之前

Before i start the illustration posts for "Song Of Endless Sorrow",i thought i might introduce the background of it a little bit. The poem "Song Of Endless Sorrow" was written by the great Chinese poet Ju-Yi Bai (i found a picture of him from google!) in the year 806 ( it was also the Tang Dynasty of China ). Bai once visited a temple with his friends and was inspired by the local tale of the tragic love story between the emperor and the princess ( which was a total real event!) so he wrote this famous masterpiece. ( this story in China is so famous that it can rank with Mulan for sure.)

For this poem is written in extremely beautiful Chinese, i have no intention to translate it into English for sure,(besides it really is behind my ability to do that!) so i decide to rewrite the story based on the poem.(but i will try to keep the original spirit of the story.) so the English story you read here is done by me based on the poem. i think it will be more like a picture book story,for i am not a great English writer. ( as you can tell by now from reading this,i don't even speak perfect English!) but if this series of work inspires you to look for the real original poem,or gives you the interests to learn more about the story or anything,then it will be my pleasure. besides i just started so i have no idea how this will turn out. but for sure i hope i can finish it and i hope you will like it :)

so far i will post about this series in this blog,so be sure to come back and check it out ,it will all be under the tag for "Sorrowsong長恨歌",so if you click it you can see all of them together,because of the blog form,the latest one will be the first post so you have to read it backward if you want to read it from the start. but in the future i might put them in order in another blog or space. enjoy it :)

今天起這裡所刊載的故事並不是來自白居易長恨歌的直接翻譯，而是我根據這首詩寫下的圖畫故事，不過如果能激發你的興趣去多瞭解這首美麗的傑作也會是件很棒的事！目前我先把這個作品發表在這個地方，所以如果想要看到目前的全部，需要點選Sorrowsong長恨歌這個標籤，而順序將會從最新到一開始，我希望以後可以有一個專門的網頁或是另一個空間來放這個作品。對於我們華人來說，楊貴妃的故事耳熟能詳，想把這個故事畫出來已經在我心裡頭醞釀很久，雖然我覺得我自己不見得已經準備好了，但是還是希望可以給自己一個目標試試看。我自己都覺得很期待呢。現在新裡面一直想著要怎麼畫安祿山呢？一定會變得很搞笑吧+_+。

( a little prayer )

wallpaper 1024*768

( the song of endless sorrow ) 長恨歌

二月決定要開始進行一個project，我想為白居易的"長恨歌"畫插畫。哈哈，應該會忽然給人一種很跳tone的感覺吧，不過其實這個想法在我心裡面已經大概有快三年的時間了，一直到今天我忽然覺得，那就不妨來試試看吧。經過一月的開頭之後，希望在二月甚至是接下來的日子裡也有一個目標。這個在講唐明皇和楊貴妃的故事，我從好久已前就好喜歡，正好可以讓我畫很多漂亮的女生哩。也許會準備一個新的空間來連載這個作品。會不會完成或是成為什麼樣貌，自己也感覺很期待。今天晚上就試畫了一個楊貴妃的圖畫。(點圖可以放大看比較清楚）

my new project will be illustrate the old chinese poem "song of endless sorrow",it's a real love story between Princess Jade Young and the Emperor Tong Ming Huuang about 1000 years ago. i have this idea since about three years ago and now i think it's a time for me to try.finish it or not,i am still looking forward to it. :) so tonight i tried and drew this famous chinese princess in my mind.(please click the picture for a better view.)

--- Moomin Gallery 姆米畫集

晚上很興奮地拿到最近訂的幾本書，包括一本 Tove Jasson的Moomin Gallery，裡面收錄一百多張從姆米書系（就是卡通嚕嚕米的原著）裡面精選出來插畫還有作者的相片。姆米書系是我小到現在都一直深愛著的一套書，造訪這部書的發想地和作者故鄉芬蘭也是我一直都有的夢想。想去看看真正姆米谷的故鄉，就像想去英國湖區看彼得兔的景色一樣。去年NDSL忽然推出了電動遊戲，讓我忽然想到應該要好好把這套書重看一次。所以決定今年開始要好好花些精神收集Tove Jasson的作品以及更深入去重新體驗它們。

今晚忽然覺得得到了好多啟發，不但讓我自己更確定要好好創作，也可以在這個blog分享更多影響自己，和喜歡的藝術家。於是我上amazon又發現去年有重新出版Jasson的漫畫作品，雖然已經快喝西北風了但是還是下訂這些書，不過怎麼說呢？真是興奮極了！我有好多事情想做啊！看書也好影片也好音樂也好，寫東西畫圖拍娃娃，還想要買新的衣服呢。

沒想到看了醫生之後，我才體認到自己過得並不快樂的事實。其實我想我是知道的，但是忽然看到那白色小藥丸上寫著有幫助焦慮失眠等症狀的功能，才驚覺居然需要吃這種藥？（雖然一次只要零點五顆）因為其實我一直很緊張要一再解釋，其實也很想要過著為自己活著，有很強烈目標，很快樂的生活。但是依賴不成只好選擇逃避或是不敢面對。真的真真切切瞭解過自己嗎？不然怎麼會時常覺得有什麼塞住了腦袋讓我什麼都表達不出來，然後乾脆作罷以為，我自己其實沒有什麼真正的想法呢？

一月要結束了，這是一個很努力的月份，感到有點累但是卻像是大病初癒一般。我要好好繼續努力，be happy.

Tonight i got the books that i ordered the other day ,one of them called the Moomin Gallery by Tove Jasson. it is full of hundreds of illustrations from the original books and the aurther's photos ( sadly the background stories were all written in Japanese) The Moonin Books have always been in a very special place and inspiration in my heart since i 1993 when they were first released in Taiwan. Visiting Finland has always been a dream of mine too. last year Nintendo released a NDSL video games of Moomin reminds me how much i love Jasson's work and i totally need to spent some time to collect more of her works and reread the books i have ! ( and hope some day i can get the cartoon series on DVD) This book really inspired me a lot tonight,i am more sure of myself about wanting to create more now and i want to create something great just like that! besides it also inspires me that i can share more of my collections of the illustrators i like here such as Jeffrey Fulvimari or Beatrix Potter. i feel like there are so many things i want to do now,such as read more,draw more,it even makes me wanna go out and buy some new T shirts ,ha. ( so i went on amazon and ordered more Jasson's books and now i am excited even i am very poor. )

i just realized the truth that actually i am not very happy after coming back from the doctor. in fact i probably knew it,just when i saw the function of my white little pills on the bags are "for anxiety,insomnia'' ,i was really shocked. am i close to have depression and i have to to take pills like that? ( although i only need to take 0.5 of it every day and night. ) i guess i am just worried about i have to keep explaining that i actually want happiness too,(surprise!) i want to live for myself and have a wonderful life too.maybe i just want to hold on to something else i don't have or i am not,and when i can't do that i just ran from myself instead. it's hard even for me to understand. so i just gave up and let it stuck my head and i told myself,no i don't have any thoughts,there's nothing i want to say. maybe in fact i have never really tried to understand myself?

January is going to an end. this is a month that i work on myself really hard. i feel a bit tired now but i am just starting to get really well.i will really keep trying,to be happy :) i hope that is what you are doing too.

*

Tove Jasson on Wiki

( the reason we love rain )

今天決定下課後一定要去看醫生。拖了一個禮拜心兒蹦蹦跳不停，照了心電圖，醫生看了報告說，自律神經失調。吃藥多休息應該就會好了。

騙得了自己，但是心臟還是漏了電。我本來也就知道原因是你。不過並不是因為你是壞人啊，請不要擔心的這麼想。我想因為我已經長大了也就要衰老了，心臟承受不了再像個孩子一般那樣地去愛，去要了吧。至少這證明這一切都是真的，我還要吃藥才會好起來呢！但是在這之後我就一定會好起來，想我就算已經經過了戀愛的年齡了吧。這些年來，從一開始知道會難過，再到在天橋下想到難堪的事情嘔吐起來，現在因為做了一個夢心兒噗通跳到自己都沒有辦法控制。因此可以說，我是真正地愛過了吧。想到這裡我也就覺得沒有什麼好遺憾的。下次記得不要再傷到自己神經了歐。

只是這有什麼大不了的勒，並不是因為這樣想要抱怨。也討厭自己其實的脆弱和敏感，這樣是不是要看見的美好世界比別人多一些裂縫，想得比應該有的知足還要更貪婪，我不是因為喜歡悲傷的感覺才要哭泣的，原因是因為孤單。我不是因為不想要樂觀的想法才不知道要去放手的，我更想要掙脫。如果我也可以繼續騙自己，那我到老都還可以是你生命重要的一部分嗎？

你要知道不是因為快樂的時光才額外難忘，是因為愛讓它變成特別，才會讓你想要去珍惜的。我希望成熟如你，有一天可以看清楚，你曾經握在手心的是多麼珍貴的物品。

i decided to go to the doctor after class for my palpitation over almost a week. the dr. checked my ECG report and said "unspecified neurotic disorder,take some medicines and rest you will be fine."

so i could fool myself but still couldn't fool my own heart. i knew the reason is because of you. it's because i'm old enough so my heart couldn't take it anymore from loving and wanting too much like a child. that really was my bad.

at least it's proved that it was all real. i even have to take pills to get well! and after this i'm sure i will be well and i will pass the age to love. all these years from knowing the pain,then to throw up underneath a bridge when thought of some hurtful situations,until now,waking up from a beautiful dream causing the OOC heartbeat. i could finally say "wow i have loved." and i have nothing to feel sorry for anymore.just remember don't hurt the nerve next time!
it's no big deal. it wasn't my intention to complain. i hate myself being fragile and sensitive either. does that mean i see more gray color in the sky than others? does that mean i greedily want more than what i should have to be content?i didn't cry because i like the feeling of sorrow,the reason is i was really lonely.i didn't hold on to it because i don't want to be positive,i want to be set free more than ever.if i can keep fooling myself,can i still be a part in your life until the end?

you must know why it's unforgettable isn't just because of the awesome happy time,it's love what make it so special , and make you want to cherish. i hope as a grown up as you can understand someday,how precious the thing was,that was once in your hand.

( today is the same as yesterday)

只是 今天還是和昨天一樣。

*

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( 我靜靜的生活。）

said goodbye to Van at the train station.went to the annual faculty lunch.people were amazed by my new hair color. checked out the CD shop and bookstore. bought Nature Morte's album. took a taxi home. slept for a while. watched a DVD.ate 7-11 forzen food.drew. listened to music.stared at the kitten.

HEART IS STILL POUNDING FAST.

心還是大大的跳。

＊

＊

喜歡今天的圖畫桌布。

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心兒怎麼還是噗通噗通 跳（Pounding )

心兒為甚麼一直噗通噗通跳？

是昨天晚上沒有睡飽

也許是又夢見你的微笑

因為它可能知道

這是最後的機會為你這樣噗通噗通跳。

帶不走的我也忘不掉，就打算把它留在那到老，

帶著遺憾

也不再疑問奔跑

只是怎麼心兒還是噗通噗通的跳。

是不是在告訴我它有一天還是會變好

why is my heart pounding so fast?

maybe it is because i didn't sleep well last night

or there again i dreamed of your smile

maybe it knows it's last chance to beat for you

because i will just leave it there

i don't have plan to take it to anywhere

no more running around

after everything is said and done

but why is my heart still pounding so fast?

if it's telling me it will still have a reason beat
for my heart still feels.

( again )

你覺得一切都回到了原點，好像什麼都沒有發生過。

但是你能確定你還是原來的那個自己嗎？

雖然夢醒來，我仍然發現我們已經有一篇很美好的故事。

雖然已經沒有繼續做那個

重複和你不停說再見的夢了

那就當我們各自去旅行，各自去冒險

有一天，我好想好想再見你一面。

even it feels like everything is back to the beginning

like it was never there.

but can you be sure we are still the same people we ever were?

the dream has ended

where i said goodbye to you over and over again

i pretend that i am just going on a trip on my own

but i have a hope now

to be with you

to read your smile again

love will be simple again

you will be perfect

and i will be happy again

there is a day,i wanna see you again

so much.