my new project will be illustrate the old chinese poem "song of endless sorrow",it's a real love story between Princess Jade Young and the Emperor Tong Ming Huuang about 1000 years ago. i have this idea since about three years ago and now i think it's a time for me to try.finish it or not,i am still looking forward to it. :) so tonight i tried and drew this famous chinese princess in my mind.(please click the picture for a better view.)
Tonight i got the books that i ordered the other day ,one of them called the Moomin Gallery by Tove Jasson. it is full of hundreds of illustrations from the original books and the aurther's photos ( sadly the background stories were all written in Japanese) The Moonin Books have always been in a very special place and inspiration in my heart since i 1993 when they were first released in Taiwan. Visiting Finland has always been a dream of mine too. last year Nintendo released a NDSL video games of Moomin reminds me how much i love Jasson's work and i totally need to spent some time to collect more of her works and reread the books i have ! ( and hope some day i can get the cartoon series on DVD) This book really inspired me a lot tonight,i am more sure of myself about wanting to create more now and i want to create something great just like that! besides it also inspires me that i can share more of my collections of the illustrators i like here such as Jeffrey Fulvimari or Beatrix Potter. i feel like there are so many things i want to do now,such as read more,draw more,it even makes me wanna go out and buy some new T shirts ,ha. ( so i went on amazon and ordered more Jasson's books and now i am excited even i am very poor. )
January is going to an end. this is a month that i work on myself really hard. i feel a bit tired now but i am just starting to get really well.i will really keep trying,to be happy :) i hope that is what you are doing too.
i decided to go to the doctor after class for my palpitation over almost a week. the dr. checked my ECG report and said "unspecified neurotic disorder,take some medicines and rest you will be fine."
so i could fool myself but still couldn't fool my own heart. i knew the reason is because of you. it's because i'm old enough so my heart couldn't take it anymore from loving and wanting too much like a child. that really was my bad.
at least it's proved that it was all real. i even have to take pills to get well! and after this i'm sure i will be well and i will pass the age to love. all these years from knowing the pain,then to throw up underneath a bridge when thought of some hurtful situations,until now,waking up from a beautiful dream causing the OOC heartbeat. i could finally say "wow i have loved." and i have nothing to feel sorry for anymore.just remember don't hurt the nerve next time!
it's no big deal. it wasn't my intention to complain. i hate myself being fragile and sensitive either. does that mean i see more gray color in the sky than others? does that mean i greedily want more than what i should have to be content?i didn't cry because i like the feeling of sorrow,the reason is i was really lonely.i didn't hold on to it because i don't want to be positive,i want to be set free more than ever.if i can keep fooling myself,can i still be a part in your life until the end?
you must know why it's unforgettable isn't just because of the awesome happy time,it's love what make it so special , and make you want to cherish. i hope as a grown up as you can understand someday,how precious the thing was,that was once in your hand.
but why is my heart still pounding so fast?
if it's telling me it will still have a reason beat
for my heart still feels.
finally understand the reason why i start drawing again.
because i am about to heal,so i hide these sorrows and love in colors
i have lost the right to tell you the things that make me happy
when i think of you,
i really want you to know the color of the sky outside my window.
but i am afraid you don't even care about it
so the words that i wanna shout out become trivial
for whoever hears it doesn't matter ,i just want you to hear it.
so when you can't even hear it,i can't run from myself anymore
i am just stuck in this tiny cage
when i try to break it
i take a picture in my mind
not some unreal fantasy,not any dream i try to make it come true
but a simple calling
a calling for you when you find it here
if you don't hear it,then i try again
until the day i am well again.
桌布 wallpaper "close my eyes"
不去那冷漠的幽谷 不去那淒清的山麓 也不上荒街去惆悵
在半空裡娟娟的飛舞 認明了那清幽的住處 等著她來花園裡探望
那時我憑藉我的身體 盈盈的 沾住了她的衣襟 貼近她柔波似的心胸
it's cold. lately Marc is with his heater and blanket all the time. sometimes i think what will i do without him? i remember when he first came home last winter,i felt he is really all i needed and could fill the big hole in me,and then i started to get used to him even i still love him behind words now,still i feel lonely again,i want more.
are we all like this? or it is only me? i usually get what i want and i cherish them. (this is my virtue)but when i don't get what i want.i suffer.i don't like myself being this way.how do we let ourselves know we are already completed with ourselves,and we don't need anything else?
today i feel like saying something to encourage myself,so here i go:
you will become better.and you will find what's in you that no one will take it away from you,you will find someone who will love and understand your simpleness.you will see the beautiful side of this world.you will cherish what you have,and one day you will be very happy.you will be thankful.
i am glad when i tell myself things like this now at this stage in my life,there's a difference because i know there are not just "words". i won't just say all these words and keep making the same mistake over and over again.after been though the pain,i will sit here and wait and to know the beauty of the slience of life.and when i meet something, i will try especially hard to protect it and make myself a better person.
i want to try,i want to keep trying.
請你不要像我這樣請你下載這張我給你的禮物一張繽紛的彩色桌布WALLPAPER 1024x768 你會知道其實我很努力。
note: this entry is full of nagative thoughts so it won't be translated into english. we don't need them in this world anyway.however the wallpaper is amazingly colorful and beautiful just like this lovely world.please download it and sent it to your love ones.
if you give up everything and want a start-all-over. Then the pain and sorrow you feel now,isn't where you wanna be. if everything i said can be explained perfectly,but the simple thought i have for you can not reach then it is not where i wanna be.it's right to enjoy life. it's right to do things that make you happy.the day when we feel nothing at all will come,i never have doubt. and it will all become a dream.til that day,i ask myself :have i ever done anything right ? won't you tell me?
you feel down and helpless ,this is not the night that you can be reborn
you're not asking for any direction
or making any dream come true
not even trying to leave any mark and become irreplaceable to anyone
how about offering some strength to yourself?
how about finding a hidden place for you to take your time and heal
then you can look at the world in a gentle new light again?
i really hope to be your company like that
although i can never stay in that place of your heart
because i am not as wonderful as you are
so in a place that is far far away from you
let me pray
and for me to be strong.
Winnie the Rose fanclub website "溫妮玫瑰"網站
* Winnie doll is an illustration i created for the singer Winnie Hsin's fanclub website! Winnie used it in her own concert ,twice!