Acrophobia

i wish i could just die in your arms back when we hugged.
then i don't have to survive ,survive without it
and became who i am today.

miwa

i am really over using my voice,but since this is the first week,i really want to make a better impression for the classes so i am giving it all out. i am worried a bit for my throat though,i think i still need to hold back a little from next week,and this new job makes me appreciate my original teaching job even more,so i am working double hard in the afternoon. whenever i am teaching,i think of Miwa in her concert,she can just go on and on and on without any stop,that's what i wanna be.

many exciting events are approaching now:an official Blythe anniversary exhibition is finally coming to taiwan in november! and in october also get to see winnie live on stage after so long,some trips are in the plan,works will also be super busy. wow i am living.i am so tired now,i guess i can have a very good night sleep tonight.

i wish you see that. i am fine.

i wish you know that,you are still you to me.

today i got your message which is saying,JJ is coming.

i will probably see him and hug him and cry a little because i have been waiting.

OK now

when i am ready to write something,i am out of time.
i got the job after the demo teaching and the interview with the school principle today.
i have been teaching in the school for three days now,
i feel everything is going really well,students' response are also wonderful.
i think now i am the most talked teacher in the school,when i walked pass the kids,i could hear them whisper behind me "that's our new english teacher.." "so can he speak chinese or not?"

coming out from my own shell,watching how other people are living their lifes,
it seems to me that everyone beside me knows what they are doing,
to me they are all successful. everything is almost so meaningful.
i wasn't living my life for a long time,i was only living my mind.
drifting with the flow of my mind.
i thought i was going crazy.

and now it is the chance for me to start a new life,and it indeed has begun.
i feel really happy in such a long long while.
and i should know that it's not that i am going to be ok,i am going to be happy.
i'm happy now,i am OK now.

and i wanna be magical. i wanna be enchanted.
i can do this so well.

"我們不要傷心了。"

Tomorrow morning i will go to a new place to work, if everything is going well,i might get the job on Wednesday.Then i am going to tell myself that the bad days are offcially over,if i don't i will still feel okay because i know things are starting to get well and more chances and changes will still keep coming.

wish me luck!

i am not that boy.

" 他的話像是唱片跳針一樣斷斷續續，說不清楚，其實內心就只是不停地在哭泣，不停不停地在哭泣。"

lonely

there is a criket beeping outside my window.

a summer night.

lately i really have a very creative mind.

thanks to my very best friend.

i suddenly realize i always have the best stories around me,inside me.

i hope i can keep this in mind and keep going.

an almost nightmare like year,it is coming to an end finally.

( and i have no one else to blame but myself )

soon i can put myself together

soon i can wish you well

and hope

someone else has healed you and you can love again.

and someone will call you babe.

and love you as much as i can ,more than i can.

i really really wish that.

about the things that i can't overcome or comfort,

i am trying to learn and understand.

forgive me for doing the things i did.

on a night like this,i am not feeling lonley when my kitty is around.

oiyoor

i have to get up in less than 6 hours,
still i think i should write some words to show my improvement now.
( from keeping hiding myself and those kind of things.)
then let's say something nice about you.
since this is still a day when i thought i was better and over it
then right at that moment
i thought of you again.

thank you for being such a kind person.
thank you for giving me the special gift.
thank you for almost making my dream come true.
almost is very good,even if almost doesn't count.
almost friends are not friends.
almost lovers are not lovers.
almost there,we are still not there.
oiyooor.

but still,thank you very much
i am going to keep my words and love you forever.

sailing

i was thinking maybe i could finish my novels ( those are some reread-books anyway.) tonight,but then i end of spending whole 3 hours watching the videos from "A New Brain" ( the musical i have always loved ) on youtube. i have always loved the song "I rather go sailing",if i could be on one musical,it will be this one and i want to play Gordon's boyfriend Roger so i can sing this song. How nice for Roger to love Gordon this way,and you know how it feels you could just die in one's arms. ( noooo,Gordon lives ) And right now i am repeating Hikki's "Prisoner Of Love" so i can hear the line "STAY WITH ME...STAY WITH ME...". A random thought : i always think if i want to write a diary or a note or something,i have to have a picture to go with it,it is better done by me,less better with a picture i took ( i don't have a camera anymore ),and it is the worst if i post something from the Internet. that is the reason i write so seldom. but i just found out that why not just draw a picture in 5 mins,it is not that hard,though i always tell myself it is very hard .
i wish you can understand this,that's why i am writing in english. i still can't go to bed at a time like this. i don't know how to.

run

你把煩惱試著開成一個玩笑

祈禱它就這樣變成一朵花

然後有一天可以張大嘴巴把它吃下去

反正說出來的話也反悔不得。

給點勇氣去奔跑吧，

如果跨越不過就要被壓扁了

生命本來就沒有起點也沒有終點的那樣一刻

無時無刻都要咬著牙邁開腳步唱著歌

不是說要復原就復原

也不是要出發就出發的

只是在某個當下領悟到自己已經不是自己想成為的自己

自己是自己想改變的自己

仔細想想，

我們都是活下來的那一個

話說，不管你怎樣的灑脫和留給我這一切

我都是比你會面對這個世界。

親愛的，當你這樣說的時候

我知道你一定很想他。