--- Moomin Gallery 姆米畫集

晚上很興奮地拿到最近訂的幾本書，包括一本 Tove Jasson的Moomin Gallery，裡面收錄一百多張從姆米書系（就是卡通嚕嚕米的原著）裡面精選出來插畫還有作者的相片。姆米書系是我小到現在都一直深愛著的一套書，造訪這部書的發想地和作者故鄉芬蘭也是我一直都有的夢想。想去看看真正姆米谷的故鄉，就像想去英國湖區看彼得兔的景色一樣。去年NDSL忽然推出了電動遊戲，讓我忽然想到應該要好好把這套書重看一次。所以決定今年開始要好好花些精神收集Tove Jasson的作品以及更深入去重新體驗它們。

今晚忽然覺得得到了好多啟發，不但讓我自己更確定要好好創作，也可以在這個blog分享更多影響自己，和喜歡的藝術家。於是我上amazon又發現去年有重新出版Jasson的漫畫作品，雖然已經快喝西北風了但是還是下訂這些書，不過怎麼說呢？真是興奮極了！我有好多事情想做啊！看書也好影片也好音樂也好，寫東西畫圖拍娃娃，還想要買新的衣服呢。

沒想到看了醫生之後，我才體認到自己過得並不快樂的事實。其實我想我是知道的，但是忽然看到那白色小藥丸上寫著有幫助焦慮失眠等症狀的功能，才驚覺居然需要吃這種藥？（雖然一次只要零點五顆）因為其實我一直很緊張要一再解釋，其實也很想要過著為自己活著，有很強烈目標，很快樂的生活。但是依賴不成只好選擇逃避或是不敢面對。真的真真切切瞭解過自己嗎？不然怎麼會時常覺得有什麼塞住了腦袋讓我什麼都表達不出來，然後乾脆作罷以為，我自己其實沒有什麼真正的想法呢？

一月要結束了，這是一個很努力的月份，感到有點累但是卻像是大病初癒一般。我要好好繼續努力，be happy.

Tonight i got the books that i ordered the other day ,one of them called the Moomin Gallery by Tove Jasson. it is full of hundreds of illustrations from the original books and the aurther's photos ( sadly the background stories were all written in Japanese) The Moonin Books have always been in a very special place and inspiration in my heart since i 1993 when they were first released in Taiwan. Visiting Finland has always been a dream of mine too. last year Nintendo released a NDSL video games of Moomin reminds me how much i love Jasson's work and i totally need to spent some time to collect more of her works and reread the books i have ! ( and hope some day i can get the cartoon series on DVD) This book really inspired me a lot tonight,i am more sure of myself about wanting to create more now and i want to create something great just like that! besides it also inspires me that i can share more of my collections of the illustrators i like here such as Jeffrey Fulvimari or Beatrix Potter. i feel like there are so many things i want to do now,such as read more,draw more,it even makes me wanna go out and buy some new T shirts ,ha. ( so i went on amazon and ordered more Jasson's books and now i am excited even i am very poor. )

i just realized the truth that actually i am not very happy after coming back from the doctor. in fact i probably knew it,just when i saw the function of my white little pills on the bags are "for anxiety,insomnia'' ,i was really shocked. am i close to have depression and i have to to take pills like that? ( although i only need to take 0.5 of it every day and night. ) i guess i am just worried about i have to keep explaining that i actually want happiness too,(surprise!) i want to live for myself and have a wonderful life too.maybe i just want to hold on to something else i don't have or i am not,and when i can't do that i just ran from myself instead. it's hard even for me to understand. so i just gave up and let it stuck my head and i told myself,no i don't have any thoughts,there's nothing i want to say. maybe in fact i have never really tried to understand myself?

January is going to an end. this is a month that i work on myself really hard. i feel a bit tired now but i am just starting to get really well.i will really keep trying,to be happy :) i hope that is what you are doing too.

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Tove Jasson on Wiki